Grandparents play a significant role in children’s lives.
Many even provide regular care to their grandchildren, as evidenced by an Age Concern 2017 study, which reported that 40% of grandparents over the age of 50 provided care for their grandchildren.
However, sometimes, when children’s parents separate, they lose the close relationship they previously had with their grandparents, leaving the children to potentially feel lost and confused. Whilst family mediation is often used by parents post separation to decide amicably how they will coparent and how the children will maintain a relationship with them both, it is increasingly being used to discuss arrangements with the wider family, i.e. grandparents.
In their study, The ‘grandparent’ problem: Encouraging a more relational approach towards child arrangements via mediation, authors C. Bendall and S. Davey examined the obstacles faced by grandparents with regard to maintaining relationships with their grandchildren, particularly after family disputes or parental separation. Bendall and Davey highlight in their study that current legal frameworks in England and Wales often prioritise the nuclear family model, thereby marginalising the role of the grandparents.
Consequently, grandparents lack the automatic right to apply to the court to spend time with their
grandchildren and must seek permission from the court to apply, which further underscores their lesser legal status when compared to that of parents. Bendall and Davey advocate for a more relational approach, stressing the importance of recognising and preserving bonds that span multiple generations. They therefore propose mediation as a valuable tool in resolving intra-familial conflicts, offering a less adversarial, more collaborative avenue with the goal to uphold the best interests of the children involved.
This question of what is in the best interests of the children in a separation is crucial for parents to keep at the forefront of their minds. Child-inclusive mediation can enable the children to have a voice. Anecdotally, children who meet with mediators in this way and have the opportunity to speak in a confidential setting and decide what message their parents receive report how helpful this has been for them.
For me, it is a huge privilege to meet children in this way and hear their voice. Children love their parents and don’t want to hurt them, they also want their parents to make the adult decisions but want their voice to be heard.
Please do get in touch to find out more about family mediation and child-inclusive mediation and how it can help your family.
Rebecca Eels
Partner
Stone King LLP
